Sara, Everytime you start your replies with "Dear Kelly" I instantly soften.
And everything that comes after, I agree with. Especially today. Trust gives me the ick, but I'll try. Because I've done it before and I'll do it again.
I certainly don't trust is beer with too much foam. ๐บ Even the emoji can illustrate a better beer!
Thank you Sara, sending all my love to you. Sending only happiness and endless happy surprises ๐ช
There is really no rush. There is really no "one direction" you're supposed to head in.
I remember the last time you mentioned that you've been the most vulnerable here, which is why you felt comfortable asking people what they truly thought about you. That freedom and ease deserve to be the real takeaway here, far more than any second-guessing about whether you should have asked in the first place (if you're even doing that).
Love everything you've shared here. You truly are an inspiration :)
The takeaway from this was having some deep reflection and learnings and maybe the universe spoke last week. Maybe but in the billowing voice from the clouds, but the comment section under the essay. Hugely confronting, but a lesson worth experiencing.
I'm not cured, but it's one of those situations where once you see it, you can't unsee it. ๐ต๏ธ
I just love seeing your name arrive, Ankesh. After this I've got a date with your piece. I'm heading over now!
Its so strange how we know things intellectually. But when it's put into words as you have, that authenticity may be the plan, it just hits a different spot.
Three days horizontal after publishing sounds about right to me. I've done the same: write the honest one, hit publish, then lose most of the week to a body that's decided it's finished. You spent something to write that essay, and the bill arrives a few days after.
It's like a hangover. Or a flu. Maybe that could be a more palatable rabbit hole than the one I've just emerged from.
The bill definitely arrived and while I'm ok to be honest, I wasn't prepared for the care in what would have taken me the rest of the day, just took me out. I had a nap for the first time in ages on that Sunday it was just all too much.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that way. Thank you for the comfort, Jacob.
I just told my patient this morning to stop thinking so much! And I am adopting the same. I'm loving not having mental lists run in my head! And yeah, I forget some things and the world continues to turn. I forgot stuff when I ran the lists too so who cares! You see my notes, priortize and taking time out. Focuisng on what matters. I still like my job but better balance. I'll DM some more thoughts. You need to go toward what you are passionate about ๐๐ซ
You have lists? ๐ I mean maybe I could try a list, but trust myself with a mental one. Although, lately I'm forgetting the little things. Like getting a towel out for a shower, only to be a wet rat with nothing to dry myself with ๐คฆ๐ผโโ๏ธ
I'll figure out what I'm passionate about once I let curiosity step forward a bit. I just learnt that I just need to do less white knocking and more ๐
First off, I really laughed listening to this today! Totally inappropriate I know but your laugh is infectious. The toddler, rock, nature combo was just so perfect too.
Now, you told me you were proud of me yesterday and it actually gutted me a little. "Like, hello dude, you're a hundred years old, have gone through enough 'inner work'...eeww to deconstruct Freud's entire existence and you're crying because someone said they're proud of you."
Of course it's not about the word, it's the care underneath. You saw my vulnerability and acknowledged the thing that felt hard for me, even if, or especially because it was a small thing. There's so much of me as a human in this article. "Handle your s$#t. Figure it out. Close it up and move on." You're an amazing human. I'm so grateful for you. The line for being your real life friend (like in person) seems to be getting longer by the minute but I'd still like to submit my request ๐.
Thank you Peter. And I don't think anything makes my heart burst more than seeing someone create something, put it out there through the wobbliness and back themselves, did you see what you created? From a thought to something tangible. Come on, thatโฆ.that is something that being proud actually undercuts the true feeling of what I experienced when I read that yesterday. I meant it all!
I know your spirit guides are guides are more chilled than my exasperated ones. Cocky even ๐๐
Thank you for your beautiful words last week, the blanket burrito was so worth it (in hindsight ๐) your care meant so much to me and the extension of your timeโฆ uggggh don't make me cry again ๐ญ
Ah man. I havenโt read the other article yet but I will do.. will also try not to clothes line you though. Itโs funny every time I read a note or a post from you I always think โah Iโd love if we met in person, Iโd make her my best friendโ ๐
Ok Iโm not weird.. maybe a little. But the fact that being seen makes you uncomfortable (makes complete sense btw) is just baffling to me because of how I feel when I read you.
I donโt actually know if Iโm making sense but Iโm trying to compliment you and I apologise for that as youโll probably hate it. But you should be seen.
But I get it. Youโve never had it.. of course thatโs gonna feel weird AF but youโre also like kind of amazing soooo
Awww JoJo, the comments were the most beautiful punch in the gut ever! โค๏ธ
I think we'd get locked up if we spent too much time together, girl the chaos!! ๐
But it is weird. A bit a of crisis that I wasn't expecting but maybe thats what the universe wanted to show me this week. Bro how about some lotto numbers or something tangible. No, gave me the fuck around and find out version, which honestly, is understandable because I feel sorry for them having to watch me, shake their heads and say "why does she keep asking for signs like a purple balloon...weirdo"
But I will be seen and it's cringe, but I'll recover and bask in it one day. Not this week, cos eww ๐คข๐
I mean this may be true but weโd for sure have loads of fun first ๐คญ
Haha.. youโre on your own timeline. The fact youโve even spoken about it and been honest is enough to wake up ALL the people who struggle with the same, which in turn will then bring up more being seen and more praise which will make you feel more gross but somewhere in there.. youโll soften into it and thatโs lovely โบ๏ธ
Youโre out here making people feel things โค๏ธ
Wow Kelly, your introspection knows no bounds. I'm so sorry you were floored by the responses but, it's sounding like in a good way which is, well, good! There's no map unfortunately for this life, we're all really just cuddling our way through it and maybe there's some solace in that, that nobody really has it all figured out, some are just better at hiding that than others. I truly believe in just doing the best you can and if things derail, retrospect is good but don't live there because we're always moving forward. Gosh, I should listen to my own advice too, I know I know. Lol. We're all rooting for you in whatever comes next, isn't that a beautiful thing. Even if you go back to being a brothel manager hahaha.
I'll take cuddling our way through! ๐ It was good and thank you so SO much for the love you've shown me these past few days. Please don't apologize, maybe the universe speaks in comments sections ๐
Yes, were all just figuring it out, some people just wear blazers. And yes, ma'am listen to your own advice! ๐ But that's so hard. It's sounds so eloquent when you're telling someone else until that mirror gets flipped up towards you.
Gawd, could imagine the stories In could write on here if I went back to that work. Holy shit! ๐๐ But also ๐ค
I love and appreciate you for your thoughtful and supportive words. Big hugs ๐ซ
I lost the notification on my phone that would lead me here, so I had to go search for your profile to find it.
Your welcome, because clearly I love you with the same intensity that I love everything: a lot ๐คฃ
Iโm sorry that we all clotheslined you- I think we all just have a very profound love for your union organising, BDSM brothel managing behind, because we can see a beautiful beacon of laughter and positivity shining from over the ocean โค๏ธ
All of lifeโs best adventures start with no plan, and no map ๐คทโโ๏ธ just make sure to take as many right turns as you do left, otherwise youโll go around in circles and end up right back where you started ๐ตโ๐ซ Beers start spilling when you get too dizzyโฆ
You're like a golden retriever at a Sunday farmers market with your love! Please don't apologize, I'll just need to receive better but damn, that was a rabbit hole!! ๐
I couldn't have gone straight into another piece without acknowledging the love and tears that came from that.
You know I probably will make myself dizzy, but I'll never spill the beer! ๐ป All my love to you. Thank you for your beautiful comment, and your care. And the mini crisis. Love that for me ๐งก๐๐งก
Kelly! I know now what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be you! You are so smart and cool and funny! Honestly, girl! You are so funny! That control-freak episode you described that you had, that just doesn't sound like you. I'd say just go back to how you've always done it: no plan, balls to the wall, winging it. You'd do just fine.
And if you think being human is hard, try being a naked mole rat! Man, those things have it rough!
I wish there were more of this kind of introspection here in Substack. It's laid back, but also profound. You know what I mean? Of course you do! Thanks! โ
๐๐ Alex Noooo don't be like me, even the spirit guides have had enough, aren't they supposed to have endless patience and love? Poor things, but I'll deal with that when that time comes
Thank you Alex, that means so much, I shall smoosh my balls against the wall some more. They seem more comfortable there. I just have learnt that I have balls, but they're not crystal ๐ฎ
Why did you bring a naked mole rat into the comments? Ffs ๐คฃ
Thank you. Thank you for surviving the rabbit hole with me this week, thank you for clotheslining me and thank you for always making me laugh too ๐ซ
Why did I bring naked mole rats here? Hhmmmโฆ because nobody ever does? (I just realized there might be a good reason for this) ๐๐คฃ Always love laughing with you! Stay cool ๐
God telling you "had you not tried to hold the steering wheel so fucking tightly" ๐คฃ
Honestly Kelly, I LOVE YOUR VOICE. I really do think you have something special. You just have this uniquely personal, funny, at times gritty kind of way of telling your side of things that I'm always wanting to read what you put out next.
And damn, you've already arrived at a beautiful answer for yourself. To let down the control and see what comes next. To explore through the uncertainty.
Here with you every step of the way, if you need someone to listen... or someone to read ๐๐งก
Kelly, we had a feeling the comments had reached somewhere deep, but we didnโt realise they had flattened you like this! you spend so much time noticing what sits underneath everyone elseโs words. Last week, people did that for you, and being seen that clearly was probably always going to feel exposing before it felt comforting...
you never owed us a long reply. we meant what we said, and weโre just glad some of what we see in you actually reached you. Thank you for being you, we appreciate you sooo much <3 (sorry for arriving a little late)
I'm super late on everything this week, there's no rush, but had noticed your absence so I hope you both are ok. I so so appreciate you both for your love. Always ๐ซ๐ถ
we SO get it. we have been the same ๐คฃ itโs all good thank you, just sometimes life gets in the way of your plans and we have to ride the wave ๐ we appreciate you so much โค and we hope you too are okay and riding the wave without letting it get to you!
Oh my dearest Kelly, I am so confused, by this one, I will re-read the earlier article and return to this I promise. I know I had a vino comment somewhere if I can find it; those ones were very unconsciously flowing I probably shouldn't be on Substack with a glass of wine in my hand, you are beautiful in every way. I usually solve nothing and explore everything.
I went back and read it; I am moving in next door and you want to be a lived experience speaker... Live your dream, dream big, I want to support you any way I can... I want to read more about your lived experience from cultural lens...hang in there your community is cheering for you!
Katerina....how have we not met earlier ๐ญ I feel so connected to you. Not in a creepy way but it feels like...I don't know, I just love meeting people who make my nervous system relax a bit. Dream big is what I'm going to hang onto. It doesn't sound like a Pinterest kitchen sign coming from you. Because maybe I don't dream big enough. Thank you for taking that time to go back and then revisit this one. It means more than I can say.
Oooo the cultural lens ๐ค what do you mean, now I'm intrigued.
I kept thinking about the part where you said you were the one being read instead of doing the reading.
Author reverse psychology type stuff. ๐
I imagine that must have been incredibly uncomfortable, but I also think that is why so many people connected with this piece.
Thank you for letting us see that side of you. I really enjoy reading what you write.
And who needs a map?
Just use a compass. :)
Destin I know. Pretty rude if you ask me to be seen that hard! ๐ But thankful all the same.
Let's go with the compass, I like that idea. Always love seeing you ๐งก๐๐งก
Dear Kelly, you have spent so much of your life seeing beneath the surface, feeling what is unspoken, and holding space for others...
Maybe now life is showing you that you are also worthy of being seen and held.
Maybe we just need to trust that everything will unfold as it should...because somewhere deep inside, your soul already knows the wayโจ
๏ผI just realized I commented in the wrong place earlier. Sorry! ๐๏ผ
Sara, Everytime you start your replies with "Dear Kelly" I instantly soften.
And everything that comes after, I agree with. Especially today. Trust gives me the ick, but I'll try. Because I've done it before and I'll do it again.
I certainly don't trust is beer with too much foam. ๐บ Even the emoji can illustrate a better beer!
Thank you Sara, sending all my love to you. Sending only happiness and endless happy surprises ๐ช
Way to go, Kelly!
There is really no rush. There is really no "one direction" you're supposed to head in.
I remember the last time you mentioned that you've been the most vulnerable here, which is why you felt comfortable asking people what they truly thought about you. That freedom and ease deserve to be the real takeaway here, far more than any second-guessing about whether you should have asked in the first place (if you're even doing that).
Love everything you've shared here. You truly are an inspiration :)
Ankesh, I want to bottle you up!
The takeaway from this was having some deep reflection and learnings and maybe the universe spoke last week. Maybe but in the billowing voice from the clouds, but the comment section under the essay. Hugely confronting, but a lesson worth experiencing.
I'm not cured, but it's one of those situations where once you see it, you can't unsee it. ๐ต๏ธ
I just love seeing your name arrive, Ankesh. After this I've got a date with your piece. I'm heading over now!
My heart sits with you. ๐
There is no rush at all in "figuring it out".
Just keep being authentic. Maybe THAT is the plan. ๐๐
Its so strange how we know things intellectually. But when it's put into words as you have, that authenticity may be the plan, it just hits a different spot.
Thank you Evania. I will continue to do so ๐ซ
Three days horizontal after publishing sounds about right to me. I've done the same: write the honest one, hit publish, then lose most of the week to a body that's decided it's finished. You spent something to write that essay, and the bill arrives a few days after.
It's like a hangover. Or a flu. Maybe that could be a more palatable rabbit hole than the one I've just emerged from.
The bill definitely arrived and while I'm ok to be honest, I wasn't prepared for the care in what would have taken me the rest of the day, just took me out. I had a nap for the first time in ages on that Sunday it was just all too much.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that way. Thank you for the comfort, Jacob.
I just told my patient this morning to stop thinking so much! And I am adopting the same. I'm loving not having mental lists run in my head! And yeah, I forget some things and the world continues to turn. I forgot stuff when I ran the lists too so who cares! You see my notes, priortize and taking time out. Focuisng on what matters. I still like my job but better balance. I'll DM some more thoughts. You need to go toward what you are passionate about ๐๐ซ
You have lists? ๐ I mean maybe I could try a list, but trust myself with a mental one. Although, lately I'm forgetting the little things. Like getting a towel out for a shower, only to be a wet rat with nothing to dry myself with ๐คฆ๐ผโโ๏ธ
I'll figure out what I'm passionate about once I let curiosity step forward a bit. I just learnt that I just need to do less white knocking and more ๐
First off, I really laughed listening to this today! Totally inappropriate I know but your laugh is infectious. The toddler, rock, nature combo was just so perfect too.
Now, you told me you were proud of me yesterday and it actually gutted me a little. "Like, hello dude, you're a hundred years old, have gone through enough 'inner work'...eeww to deconstruct Freud's entire existence and you're crying because someone said they're proud of you."
Of course it's not about the word, it's the care underneath. You saw my vulnerability and acknowledged the thing that felt hard for me, even if, or especially because it was a small thing. There's so much of me as a human in this article. "Handle your s$#t. Figure it out. Close it up and move on." You're an amazing human. I'm so grateful for you. The line for being your real life friend (like in person) seems to be getting longer by the minute but I'd still like to submit my request ๐.
Request immediately accepted! โ
Thank you Peter. And I don't think anything makes my heart burst more than seeing someone create something, put it out there through the wobbliness and back themselves, did you see what you created? From a thought to something tangible. Come on, thatโฆ.that is something that being proud actually undercuts the true feeling of what I experienced when I read that yesterday. I meant it all!
I know your spirit guides are guides are more chilled than my exasperated ones. Cocky even ๐๐
Thank you for your beautiful words last week, the blanket burrito was so worth it (in hindsight ๐) your care meant so much to me and the extension of your timeโฆ uggggh don't make me cry again ๐ญ
๐๐ฅบ
Ah man. I havenโt read the other article yet but I will do.. will also try not to clothes line you though. Itโs funny every time I read a note or a post from you I always think โah Iโd love if we met in person, Iโd make her my best friendโ ๐
Ok Iโm not weird.. maybe a little. But the fact that being seen makes you uncomfortable (makes complete sense btw) is just baffling to me because of how I feel when I read you.
I donโt actually know if Iโm making sense but Iโm trying to compliment you and I apologise for that as youโll probably hate it. But you should be seen.
But I get it. Youโve never had it.. of course thatโs gonna feel weird AF but youโre also like kind of amazing soooo
Shut up now Jo.. ok byeeeee ๐
Awww JoJo, the comments were the most beautiful punch in the gut ever! โค๏ธ
I think we'd get locked up if we spent too much time together, girl the chaos!! ๐
But it is weird. A bit a of crisis that I wasn't expecting but maybe thats what the universe wanted to show me this week. Bro how about some lotto numbers or something tangible. No, gave me the fuck around and find out version, which honestly, is understandable because I feel sorry for them having to watch me, shake their heads and say "why does she keep asking for signs like a purple balloon...weirdo"
But I will be seen and it's cringe, but I'll recover and bask in it one day. Not this week, cos eww ๐คข๐
I mean this may be true but weโd for sure have loads of fun first ๐คญ
Haha.. youโre on your own timeline. The fact youโve even spoken about it and been honest is enough to wake up ALL the people who struggle with the same, which in turn will then bring up more being seen and more praise which will make you feel more gross but somewhere in there.. youโll soften into it and thatโs lovely โบ๏ธ
Youโre out here making people feel things โค๏ธ
Wow Kelly, your introspection knows no bounds. I'm so sorry you were floored by the responses but, it's sounding like in a good way which is, well, good! There's no map unfortunately for this life, we're all really just cuddling our way through it and maybe there's some solace in that, that nobody really has it all figured out, some are just better at hiding that than others. I truly believe in just doing the best you can and if things derail, retrospect is good but don't live there because we're always moving forward. Gosh, I should listen to my own advice too, I know I know. Lol. We're all rooting for you in whatever comes next, isn't that a beautiful thing. Even if you go back to being a brothel manager hahaha.
I'll take cuddling our way through! ๐ It was good and thank you so SO much for the love you've shown me these past few days. Please don't apologize, maybe the universe speaks in comments sections ๐
Yes, were all just figuring it out, some people just wear blazers. And yes, ma'am listen to your own advice! ๐ But that's so hard. It's sounds so eloquent when you're telling someone else until that mirror gets flipped up towards you.
Gawd, could imagine the stories In could write on here if I went back to that work. Holy shit! ๐๐ But also ๐ค
I love and appreciate you for your thoughtful and supportive words. Big hugs ๐ซ
Muddling. I meant muddling, damn my bloody autocorrect.
I lost the notification on my phone that would lead me here, so I had to go search for your profile to find it.
Your welcome, because clearly I love you with the same intensity that I love everything: a lot ๐คฃ
Iโm sorry that we all clotheslined you- I think we all just have a very profound love for your union organising, BDSM brothel managing behind, because we can see a beautiful beacon of laughter and positivity shining from over the ocean โค๏ธ
All of lifeโs best adventures start with no plan, and no map ๐คทโโ๏ธ just make sure to take as many right turns as you do left, otherwise youโll go around in circles and end up right back where you started ๐ตโ๐ซ Beers start spilling when you get too dizzyโฆ
You're like a golden retriever at a Sunday farmers market with your love! Please don't apologize, I'll just need to receive better but damn, that was a rabbit hole!! ๐
I couldn't have gone straight into another piece without acknowledging the love and tears that came from that.
You know I probably will make myself dizzy, but I'll never spill the beer! ๐ป All my love to you. Thank you for your beautiful comment, and your care. And the mini crisis. Love that for me ๐งก๐๐งก
Kelly! I know now what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be you! You are so smart and cool and funny! Honestly, girl! You are so funny! That control-freak episode you described that you had, that just doesn't sound like you. I'd say just go back to how you've always done it: no plan, balls to the wall, winging it. You'd do just fine.
And if you think being human is hard, try being a naked mole rat! Man, those things have it rough!
I wish there were more of this kind of introspection here in Substack. It's laid back, but also profound. You know what I mean? Of course you do! Thanks! โ
๐๐ Alex Noooo don't be like me, even the spirit guides have had enough, aren't they supposed to have endless patience and love? Poor things, but I'll deal with that when that time comes
Thank you Alex, that means so much, I shall smoosh my balls against the wall some more. They seem more comfortable there. I just have learnt that I have balls, but they're not crystal ๐ฎ
Why did you bring a naked mole rat into the comments? Ffs ๐คฃ
Thank you. Thank you for surviving the rabbit hole with me this week, thank you for clotheslining me and thank you for always making me laugh too ๐ซ
Why did I bring naked mole rats here? Hhmmmโฆ because nobody ever does? (I just realized there might be a good reason for this) ๐๐คฃ Always love laughing with you! Stay cool ๐
God telling you "had you not tried to hold the steering wheel so fucking tightly" ๐คฃ
Honestly Kelly, I LOVE YOUR VOICE. I really do think you have something special. You just have this uniquely personal, funny, at times gritty kind of way of telling your side of things that I'm always wanting to read what you put out next.
And damn, you've already arrived at a beautiful answer for yourself. To let down the control and see what comes next. To explore through the uncertainty.
Here with you every step of the way, if you need someone to listen... or someone to read ๐๐งก
Kelly, we had a feeling the comments had reached somewhere deep, but we didnโt realise they had flattened you like this! you spend so much time noticing what sits underneath everyone elseโs words. Last week, people did that for you, and being seen that clearly was probably always going to feel exposing before it felt comforting...
you never owed us a long reply. we meant what we said, and weโre just glad some of what we see in you actually reached you. Thank you for being you, we appreciate you sooo much <3 (sorry for arriving a little late)
I'm super late on everything this week, there's no rush, but had noticed your absence so I hope you both are ok. I so so appreciate you both for your love. Always ๐ซ๐ถ
we SO get it. we have been the same ๐คฃ itโs all good thank you, just sometimes life gets in the way of your plans and we have to ride the wave ๐ we appreciate you so much โค and we hope you too are okay and riding the wave without letting it get to you!
Oh my dearest Kelly, I am so confused, by this one, I will re-read the earlier article and return to this I promise. I know I had a vino comment somewhere if I can find it; those ones were very unconsciously flowing I probably shouldn't be on Substack with a glass of wine in my hand, you are beautiful in every way. I usually solve nothing and explore everything.
I went back and read it; I am moving in next door and you want to be a lived experience speaker... Live your dream, dream big, I want to support you any way I can... I want to read more about your lived experience from cultural lens...hang in there your community is cheering for you!
Katerina....how have we not met earlier ๐ญ I feel so connected to you. Not in a creepy way but it feels like...I don't know, I just love meeting people who make my nervous system relax a bit. Dream big is what I'm going to hang onto. It doesn't sound like a Pinterest kitchen sign coming from you. Because maybe I don't dream big enough. Thank you for taking that time to go back and then revisit this one. It means more than I can say.
Oooo the cultural lens ๐ค what do you mean, now I'm intrigued.
https://katerinaschmitt.substack.com/p/same-text-different-interpretations?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=5zc2s3
I know it focusing on communication but the bit about intersectionality will help. Happy to do a zoom call and chat.
Ha ha too kind, I thought you were a Maori woman?. Here is a link to an article looking at intersection of identity
Burrito blankets, keyboard comics and real talkโฆ a few obvious reasons why we all love Kelly Higgins ๐๐ถ