Kelly, wow, isn’t it wild what life throws at us to get us pointed in a completely different direction though?
I also can’t help but marvel at the absolute fuckery and chaos that seems to happen first. 😂 It’s like there’s a bunch of magical little leprechauns somewhere causing complete havoc with the biggest cheesy grin on their faces, knowing it’ll all make sense later.
What a story, babe. What a life you’ve lived already. Thank you for letting us into your world a little. I genuinely loved getting the insight into your journey.
I'd appreciated it if the leprechauns had just pointed in the direction, I would have followed, but then I most definitely would have been hallucinating 🤔
It's so funny (now) to look back and see it all and how it all unfolded but it's was how seamless it felt once I said "fuck this"
Love that for me, love that for anyone who experiences it.
First of all, I can't believe that your so-called friends were silent about the betrayal of your partner. And that your partner hooked up with one of the people in this "friend" group as well! That must've been so, so hard Kelly. Not only losing your partner, but your entire friend group at the same time. And losing trust not just in the romantic relationship but in the people who were supposed to be your people, too. That must've been incredibly hard.
But what the hell, you were able to move cities and get a place and a job and it seemed to work out on purpose, right?! And reconnecting with the love of your life and having Alfie... damn, at least that hard time led to all that. I'm so glad you're not among those fake people anymore, or the warped drug bubble as you call it.
Running in slow mo towards you for a movie hug 🫂 Reeze!!!! 🥳 You're back!!!
It was hard but look at the life I have now and that I meet people like you! Alfie all of it. Oh yeah and Brent. 🤣 To have it all work out is what I hold onto the most because it felt so effortless. It was time.
But also is the reason or inspiration behind the Lucy weekend essay.
The day has finally come for me to be able to comment here. Life truly has its ups and downs, doesn’t it? 😅
I can only imagine how much self-reflection and time you poured into writing this piece…
Every time I read your words, I am reminded that your strength and kindness are undoubtedly genuine.
The path you have walked has shaped who you are today, and I truly believe that nothing—not even the darkest times—has been in vain. I am falling in love with your courage all over again for sharing your journey with us.
Seeing you living such a peaceful and beautiful life with Brent and Alfie now brings me so much joy.
Look at the community you’ve built; so many people are naturally drawn to you!
I have no doubt that you will continue to shine even brighter and light the way for so many others✨💗
P.S. So, Alfie’s birthday is in August? May I ask what day it is?
Sara I love your comments. Like a bit of calm amongst the chaos and that tenderness is something I live for most days.
I don't think it's ever in vain, but the pain in the moment is unbearable. Sometimes the cliches I roll my eyes are there because they are true. There was a silver lining, a different path, a different life which on reflection I am so grateful for. At the time, not so much 🤣 such as life with its ups and downs.
My love and kindness is now abundant, even when patience is low.
When life is falling apart, is actually falling into place which would be my words to you 🫂
Peace is always earned, but solid in the end.
August the 29th. He's going to be three for crying out loud! 😭
What a beautiful ride this was, Kelly. Absolutely loved this piece. From addiction to betrayal to finding your footing again.
The pregnancy part made me laugh. After everything you'd overcome, seeing Alfie arrive felt like such a joyful new chapter❤️. And then the image of you three sitting together and laughing.
Thank you Sheeba, I got there in the end despite it all. It's definitely joyful chapter and one I cherish everyday. Just not at 5 in the morning with toy ambulances!!
I could your hear you giggling when I wrote that bit so I'm happy it gave you a laugh. Love to you always
Kelly, the head torch only lighting a few feet of ground gives this whole story its living metaphor. You take us from the garden at 10 p.m., the collective silence of betrayal, the cup of noodles on the second-hand couch, and “These people sleep!” all the way to Brent, Alfie, miniature steam trains, and a life that feels divinely timed. The power is in how little of the future was visible when you took the first step away from the house, the town, the people, and the coping mechanism that had become your only way through. Thank you for showing recovery as movement before certainty, and for letting the woman with the head torch and the mother at the steam trains belong to the same redeemed life.
Kelly, I think you give readers coordinates before you give us conclusions. I am only trying to follow them with care and hand back the map your own story already made visible. Your line about certainty never arriving feels deeply true; a richer life can grow even when the nervous system never receives a final certificate that everything is safe now. I’m grateful for the way you keep letting readers witness a life that is vastly different, genuinely fuller, and still playful enough to know a Disney cruise belongs in the next redeemed chapter.
I often try to remind myself that at the end of the day I have no idea where I’m going, nor do I know what the road ahead of me has in store for me. And isn’t that so beautiful and humbling!
It is most certainly a beautiful and humbling thing Ben. I guess when you reflect on your own previous five years you will see some changes. Even if nothing life changing, internally the landscape can be a rugged path to walk too. Thank you Ben! 🫶🏻
Thank you Kelly for sharing such intimate parts of your life, heartbreaking, courageous and surviving hell and returning back.
I'm so glad that you are here with us now and are willing to share your story so we can learn from you.
I really loved hearing your voice, it is such a strong voice you have too, it gave this article life as you felt it. With gentle chirping in the background.
I had never shared this story before and to reflect back on in from a place of beauty than hurt was incredibly liberating. Maybe the birds in the background gave it some newness of the new life I'm thankful to live now.
That liberation and reliving of it all gave me the tone in my voice with the remnants of the emotion still there as I shared it.
Thank you for seeing it and receiving it in the way it was intended.
Aaawe Kelly thanks for writing it, sharing your experiences are so valuable. I had tears swell up in my eyes as I listened... It took me awhile to find the words to share with you.
I can see why it feels liberating it's a powerful story!
Kelly. The drip down the back of the throat — I felt that in my own throat. Cocaine and I had our own on-again-off-again years.
And the whiplash of living one life on a Tuesday and a completely different one by Friday — that was me in 2014. Looking back at a self you barely recognize is its own strange territory, and you wrote it without flinching.
Thank you for the courage it took to put this out here. My internet soulmate would do nothing less.
Ah yes. That drip. It a specific feeling and one where you know "yup, it's on" 😂
Thank you for saying those beautiful words. There's still shame around it for me and this essay has only just left my lips for our lic view. It's been something that carries a lot of judgement in the circles I have now so while that's a sign of a very different life, there's isolation there with it too.
Sarah you've been such an amazing support to me and while it may look like just words on a screen, please know I'm taking them straight to the heart ❤️
I so feel you on the shame and isolation. It’s definitely not something I shout from the rooftops in my current circles either.
There’s also something strange about virtually no one in your current life knowing any of the person you were before. There’s a lot of context in one’s former self, for better or worse.
You know what I see every time I read you, I see a strong woman who is proud of herself. Well done finding your way to the life & family you hav now, not everyone has the strength to press on. Truly inspiring.
The head torch image is going to stay with us for a while — only seeing a few feet ahead, not knowing there was a whole different life waiting to reveal itself. That is such a beautiful way to write about recovery without making it sound neat or simple.
And the contrast between that woman in the garden and Sunday mornings at the miniature steam trains… honestly, rude of life to be that poetic after being that brutal xD
also, “These people sleep!” made us laugh because yes. The absolute shock of realising some people are just out here talking normally because they had rest lol
This was raw, funny, heartbreaking, hopeful, and very you. So glad the path kept showing up, even when you could only see the next bit. thank you for sharing, great great read <3
Thank you, "how rude" was my little nod to you three because it's become part of your isms So I love to see it here in your comment! 😍 But also, so fitting for where it was.
"These people sleep!" Came out in almost disbelief as I was recording the audio because how novel? 🤔 What do you mean "how are you" are three separate words! 🤣🤣
I love how you all received this, thank you. I'm glad the path stayed illuminated, and the scariness to keep making each step to see another. And now as I write this I have the morning sun beaming in after a restful night's sleep.
okay, this made us smile so much. We did wonder if “how rude” has become one of our little accidentalisms at this point, so seeing you call it that feels both adorable and slightly exposing 🤣
but yes, “these people sleep!” was such a brilliant little moment because truly… imagine sleeping, breathing, being asked “how are you” as three separate words, and not immediately turning it into a full internal investigation. Novel concept xD
And this image of you writing with the morning sun coming in after a restful night’s sleep feels like the softest possible ending to that thought. So glad the path stayed illuminated, step by step.
It was so great to hear your voice 😀. I think the thing I love most about your writing is that it brings me back to myself. Not in like a "hey, look at me” way.....uuummmm..... Who am I kidding 😆. I think that in my life, if i'd been able to see too far ahead, especially to the hard stuff that eventually brought me to the good stuff, I probably wouldn't have made it. Lots of memories of because o’clock!!
I'm so chuffed for where head lamp lady led you to 🙏. Are we good enough friends that I can call you head lamp lady? 🤔😀
Thank you Peter. AI doesn't swear like I naturally do! 🤣 I did do my own voice in a couple others. I enjoy it, but peace and time sometimes work against me.
Maybe that's the cool thing of not knowing so we get the "holy shit" moment of hindsight.
Hopefully you didn't argue with your brain too much finding the cut piece.
And sure 🤦🏼♀️ head lamp lady it is! Because by now I'd say we were because I always look forward to seeing you. Thanks Peter!
Loved this piece, Kelly! Thank you for sharing, being so open and honest to the experiences only you can tell, then leading us to a better, more peaceful place with you. I’m so happy to hear of your transformation, making no apologies for making your life what you want/need it to be, and letting this love and happiness into your life. Just at the right time. You deserve the world!✨
Thank you! I was thinking of your sister there with the reconnection 😉 some cool experiences there in hindsight, but there's no way that person exists anymore. I would have been arrested by now!
Some days I think I've cracked life with the peace I have 🌿
Kelly, wow, isn’t it wild what life throws at us to get us pointed in a completely different direction though?
I also can’t help but marvel at the absolute fuckery and chaos that seems to happen first. 😂 It’s like there’s a bunch of magical little leprechauns somewhere causing complete havoc with the biggest cheesy grin on their faces, knowing it’ll all make sense later.
What a story, babe. What a life you’ve lived already. Thank you for letting us into your world a little. I genuinely loved getting the insight into your journey.
I'd appreciated it if the leprechauns had just pointed in the direction, I would have followed, but then I most definitely would have been hallucinating 🤔
It's so funny (now) to look back and see it all and how it all unfolded but it's was how seamless it felt once I said "fuck this"
Love that for me, love that for anyone who experiences it.
Love this Kelly! And your voice with the birds in the background. I'm enjoying being brought into your life.
Thank you. As always. Yes, there's always space in my life for you, I didn't realize there were birds in it until I heard it back. 🎧
Appreciate you 💗
First of all, I can't believe that your so-called friends were silent about the betrayal of your partner. And that your partner hooked up with one of the people in this "friend" group as well! That must've been so, so hard Kelly. Not only losing your partner, but your entire friend group at the same time. And losing trust not just in the romantic relationship but in the people who were supposed to be your people, too. That must've been incredibly hard.
But what the hell, you were able to move cities and get a place and a job and it seemed to work out on purpose, right?! And reconnecting with the love of your life and having Alfie... damn, at least that hard time led to all that. I'm so glad you're not among those fake people anymore, or the warped drug bubble as you call it.
Seriously happy for you, that it all worked out 🧡
Running in slow mo towards you for a movie hug 🫂 Reeze!!!! 🥳 You're back!!!
It was hard but look at the life I have now and that I meet people like you! Alfie all of it. Oh yeah and Brent. 🤣 To have it all work out is what I hold onto the most because it felt so effortless. It was time.
But also is the reason or inspiration behind the Lucy weekend essay.
I am SO happy to see you!! 🧡💗🧡
"Oh yeah and Brent" had me cracking up! Lolol
Awww thank you for the welcome back!!! Means a lot <3
Betrayal is the worst. Surviving that is the achievement of a lifetime.
Beating addiction too? You're a legend.
Mike, thank you. I know we've just crossed paths but that actually means a lot.
I still don't know how I got over them both, but maybe creating a whole new life in a new place took those needs and pain away.
Dear Kelly,
The day has finally come for me to be able to comment here. Life truly has its ups and downs, doesn’t it? 😅
I can only imagine how much self-reflection and time you poured into writing this piece…
Every time I read your words, I am reminded that your strength and kindness are undoubtedly genuine.
The path you have walked has shaped who you are today, and I truly believe that nothing—not even the darkest times—has been in vain. I am falling in love with your courage all over again for sharing your journey with us.
Seeing you living such a peaceful and beautiful life with Brent and Alfie now brings me so much joy.
Look at the community you’ve built; so many people are naturally drawn to you!
I have no doubt that you will continue to shine even brighter and light the way for so many others✨💗
P.S. So, Alfie’s birthday is in August? May I ask what day it is?
Sara I love your comments. Like a bit of calm amongst the chaos and that tenderness is something I live for most days.
I don't think it's ever in vain, but the pain in the moment is unbearable. Sometimes the cliches I roll my eyes are there because they are true. There was a silver lining, a different path, a different life which on reflection I am so grateful for. At the time, not so much 🤣 such as life with its ups and downs.
My love and kindness is now abundant, even when patience is low.
When life is falling apart, is actually falling into place which would be my words to you 🫂
Peace is always earned, but solid in the end.
August the 29th. He's going to be three for crying out loud! 😭
I loved this story, thank you so much Kelly for sharing it with us.
Thank you for reading and popping in to comment and sharing. All my love to you 💗
What a beautiful ride this was, Kelly. Absolutely loved this piece. From addiction to betrayal to finding your footing again.
The pregnancy part made me laugh. After everything you'd overcome, seeing Alfie arrive felt like such a joyful new chapter❤️. And then the image of you three sitting together and laughing.
🫶🫶
Thank you Sheeba, I got there in the end despite it all. It's definitely joyful chapter and one I cherish everyday. Just not at 5 in the morning with toy ambulances!!
I could your hear you giggling when I wrote that bit so I'm happy it gave you a laugh. Love to you always
Kelly, the head torch only lighting a few feet of ground gives this whole story its living metaphor. You take us from the garden at 10 p.m., the collective silence of betrayal, the cup of noodles on the second-hand couch, and “These people sleep!” all the way to Brent, Alfie, miniature steam trains, and a life that feels divinely timed. The power is in how little of the future was visible when you took the first step away from the house, the town, the people, and the coping mechanism that had become your only way through. Thank you for showing recovery as movement before certainty, and for letting the woman with the head torch and the mother at the steam trains belong to the same redeemed life.
Reverend how do you do that? 😭 You extrapolate everything so well and package it up perfectly to hand back to me with so much care.
I always appreciate seeing you and yes, I don't feel certainty ever arrives, but I am forever thankful for the life I have now.
A vastly different life, but a richer one. I just think the next cruise we book will be a Disney one! Thank you for always being here 🫂
Kelly, I think you give readers coordinates before you give us conclusions. I am only trying to follow them with care and hand back the map your own story already made visible. Your line about certainty never arriving feels deeply true; a richer life can grow even when the nervous system never receives a final certificate that everything is safe now. I’m grateful for the way you keep letting readers witness a life that is vastly different, genuinely fuller, and still playful enough to know a Disney cruise belongs in the next redeemed chapter.
I often try to remind myself that at the end of the day I have no idea where I’m going, nor do I know what the road ahead of me has in store for me. And isn’t that so beautiful and humbling!
It is most certainly a beautiful and humbling thing Ben. I guess when you reflect on your own previous five years you will see some changes. Even if nothing life changing, internally the landscape can be a rugged path to walk too. Thank you Ben! 🫶🏻
Thank you Kelly for sharing such intimate parts of your life, heartbreaking, courageous and surviving hell and returning back.
I'm so glad that you are here with us now and are willing to share your story so we can learn from you.
I really loved hearing your voice, it is such a strong voice you have too, it gave this article life as you felt it. With gentle chirping in the background.
Katerina thank you 💐
I had never shared this story before and to reflect back on in from a place of beauty than hurt was incredibly liberating. Maybe the birds in the background gave it some newness of the new life I'm thankful to live now.
That liberation and reliving of it all gave me the tone in my voice with the remnants of the emotion still there as I shared it.
Thank you for seeing it and receiving it in the way it was intended.
Aaawe Kelly thanks for writing it, sharing your experiences are so valuable. I had tears swell up in my eyes as I listened... It took me awhile to find the words to share with you.
I can see why it feels liberating it's a powerful story!
🫂 Thank you
Kelly. The drip down the back of the throat — I felt that in my own throat. Cocaine and I had our own on-again-off-again years.
And the whiplash of living one life on a Tuesday and a completely different one by Friday — that was me in 2014. Looking back at a self you barely recognize is its own strange territory, and you wrote it without flinching.
Thank you for the courage it took to put this out here. My internet soulmate would do nothing less.
Ah yes. That drip. It a specific feeling and one where you know "yup, it's on" 😂
Thank you for saying those beautiful words. There's still shame around it for me and this essay has only just left my lips for our lic view. It's been something that carries a lot of judgement in the circles I have now so while that's a sign of a very different life, there's isolation there with it too.
Sarah you've been such an amazing support to me and while it may look like just words on a screen, please know I'm taking them straight to the heart ❤️
I so feel you on the shame and isolation. It’s definitely not something I shout from the rooftops in my current circles either.
There’s also something strange about virtually no one in your current life knowing any of the person you were before. There’s a lot of context in one’s former self, for better or worse.
It makes you question which timeline we're on sometimes it's so vastly different
You know what I see every time I read you, I see a strong woman who is proud of herself. Well done finding your way to the life & family you hav now, not everyone has the strength to press on. Truly inspiring.
Awww Claire thank you! Sometimes we need those words when we're the only ones saying it to ourselves to try and keep going.
Yes, it all came together and life feels peaceful and beautiful. As it should.
That was the nicest compliment thank you 🫂
Wow, such raw and powerful story! I’m so glad you chose yourself and created that wonderful new life✨! Be proud of yourself!
Hi Marianne 🤗
Thank you, yes I'm glad too. The push and brutality was ultimately worth it in the end. ✨
Crazy to think what our next five years brings our way. I'd just like peace. Small things 😂
Kelly, this was incredible.
The head torch image is going to stay with us for a while — only seeing a few feet ahead, not knowing there was a whole different life waiting to reveal itself. That is such a beautiful way to write about recovery without making it sound neat or simple.
And the contrast between that woman in the garden and Sunday mornings at the miniature steam trains… honestly, rude of life to be that poetic after being that brutal xD
also, “These people sleep!” made us laugh because yes. The absolute shock of realising some people are just out here talking normally because they had rest lol
This was raw, funny, heartbreaking, hopeful, and very you. So glad the path kept showing up, even when you could only see the next bit. thank you for sharing, great great read <3
Good morning everyone! 🌄
Thank you, "how rude" was my little nod to you three because it's become part of your isms So I love to see it here in your comment! 😍 But also, so fitting for where it was.
"These people sleep!" Came out in almost disbelief as I was recording the audio because how novel? 🤔 What do you mean "how are you" are three separate words! 🤣🤣
I love how you all received this, thank you. I'm glad the path stayed illuminated, and the scariness to keep making each step to see another. And now as I write this I have the morning sun beaming in after a restful night's sleep.
With all my love 💕
Hi Kelly 🫶🏼
okay, this made us smile so much. We did wonder if “how rude” has become one of our little accidentalisms at this point, so seeing you call it that feels both adorable and slightly exposing 🤣
but yes, “these people sleep!” was such a brilliant little moment because truly… imagine sleeping, breathing, being asked “how are you” as three separate words, and not immediately turning it into a full internal investigation. Novel concept xD
And this image of you writing with the morning sun coming in after a restful night’s sleep feels like the softest possible ending to that thought. So glad the path stayed illuminated, step by step.
Sending you so much love back <3 <3
It was so great to hear your voice 😀. I think the thing I love most about your writing is that it brings me back to myself. Not in like a "hey, look at me” way.....uuummmm..... Who am I kidding 😆. I think that in my life, if i'd been able to see too far ahead, especially to the hard stuff that eventually brought me to the good stuff, I probably wouldn't have made it. Lots of memories of because o’clock!!
I'm so chuffed for where head lamp lady led you to 🙏. Are we good enough friends that I can call you head lamp lady? 🤔😀
Thank you Peter. AI doesn't swear like I naturally do! 🤣 I did do my own voice in a couple others. I enjoy it, but peace and time sometimes work against me.
Maybe that's the cool thing of not knowing so we get the "holy shit" moment of hindsight.
Hopefully you didn't argue with your brain too much finding the cut piece.
And sure 🤦🏼♀️ head lamp lady it is! Because by now I'd say we were because I always look forward to seeing you. Thanks Peter!
Loved this piece, Kelly! Thank you for sharing, being so open and honest to the experiences only you can tell, then leading us to a better, more peaceful place with you. I’m so happy to hear of your transformation, making no apologies for making your life what you want/need it to be, and letting this love and happiness into your life. Just at the right time. You deserve the world!✨
Thank you! I was thinking of your sister there with the reconnection 😉 some cool experiences there in hindsight, but there's no way that person exists anymore. I would have been arrested by now!
Some days I think I've cracked life with the peace I have 🌿
Thank you for sharing it too, much love!
I think you have cracked life! I was absolutely thinking of our conversation when I was reading it, too! Talk about kismet timing!✨🌀